Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
from now on my penis is your penis
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
