you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
