do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
