How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
