I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
