Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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