My room smells like vodka and shame
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize