but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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