Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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