Non-Jews are for practice
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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