finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
