Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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