did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
