Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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