Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
