Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
