Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
