i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
