Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
