Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize