the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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