The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize