Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
