Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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