have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
