I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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