I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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