I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
