my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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