We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize