so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
