How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
and you fell through a lawn chair
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
