she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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