He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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