in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He kissed a someone with a penis
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
