If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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