Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
