Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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