I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
