I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
