You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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