honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
