It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
