How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
