Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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