Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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