dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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