you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
