I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
