yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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