dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
