That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
