We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
