so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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