Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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