Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
