I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
