Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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