i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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