I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
