I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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