Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize