did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
