Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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