It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
