I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
