i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
