Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
