No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
