It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
